Monday, July 9, 2007

"Could I Really...?"

I am so tired.

I am in the throes of terrible first trimester sickness and fatigue. I didn't experience this with my first two. Yes, I was sick and I was tired. But, I was not this sick and I was not this tired.

I didn't feel God's presence today. He was here...loving me and caring for me, I just didn't "feel" it. The boys needed me. They needed me starting at 6:30 am (they're not sleeping as well since we're not at home), and I cried. I cried because I felt so inadequate to mother them today. I cried because I felt so terribly ill. And, I cried because I felt so alone.

"How will I make it through today?", I asked myself at 11:30, when the idea of preparing lunch for the boys seemed totally overwhelming and I was realizing that "morning" sickness was yet again not an accurate description of what I was dealing with.

But, God is merciful; teaching and molding me through my circumstances...and He brought to mind a blog post that I had read over at GirlTalk last summer. You can read it here. Here is an excerpt from that post. It's a quote from David Powlison:

“Sickness, like any other weakness and trouble, should force us to stop, to face ourselves, and to look for the Lord. It’s a chance to find sins we have been too busy to notice and…a chance to find a quickened need for Jesus’ mercies and a deepened delight in God.”

Could I really use this "sickness" that I'm suffering with right now to face my sin, and to look for the Lord? I just expected Him to show Himself to me today (and each day that I suffer with this). And, I surely didn't want to deal with any "sin issues" today.

I suppose most blog posts end with...well, an "end"; a resolution of sorts. This isn't one of those posts. I am not leaving today behind with newly resolved and conquered sin. But, more likely than not, I am not leaving my sickness behind either.

So this post, like my day, is ending with a question...

"Could I really use this 'sickness' that I'm suffering with right now to face my sin, and to look for the Lord?"


  1. Oh, Sarah-- You're such a godly woman. Thanks for putting things in perspective. May God give you the strength you need and the patience with yourself right now to simplify.

  2. Also, it sounds like you're having a girl.

  3. Hope God continues to remind you of His presence even when you don't feel it!

    It may be a girl, or it may just be being pregnant with two little ones demanding so much of you.

    Rest as much as you can.

    OH - go get the prego drops at Mimi Maternity - not the lollipops, but the sour drops to suck on. Pop one at teh first sign of nausea and BAM, worked like a charm for me.

  4. I am so sorry you are sick! I know the feeling. My last pregnancy I felt just as you. It may not seem like it, but it will be over soon!!

    Thank you for stopping by today. I am so glad to "meet' new readers!!

    Hang on His word, His love...He will lead you through this!!

  5. Wow! Thanks for posting this. I remember feeling some of the exact same feelings with my third. She's 15 months old now!

    Bless you!

    Keep your head up and keep depending on his strength. Pregnancy is one of the biggest ways He's shown that His strength is perfect in my weakness!