Wednesday, October 1, 2008

*UPDATED* Trusting Him

During a routine check-up for Lincoln today, we got some scary news.

He isn't growing. Well, he's growing, but not like he should be. He's eating and eating and eating, but in 8 weeks, he's only gained 9 ounces.

His doctor threw out several possible causes. I can't even bear to think about some of them.

I held Lincoln down tonight as he underwent his first test. And, he will undergo more until his doctor determines why he's not growing properly.

And, in the meantime, here I sit. Almost paralyzed with fear and worry.

I have been searching all day for a voice to begin a conversation with God about how I'm feeling. And, I just can't find one. Honestly, I really don't want to pray. I just want answers. And, I want them five minutes ago.

I say that I trust and believe in God's goodness. But, boy is it hard exercising that faith in regards to the well being of my child.

It's hard. But, I want to do it.

I don't want to say that I trust God if or when everything turns out fine and I can tie up this experience with a neat little bow and say that God was and is faithful. And, if everything isn't fine, I don't want to say that I trust Him after I've come to terms with the circumstances.

I want to trust Him now. Today. This moment. When I don't have the answers and I don't know the outcome.

So, tonight, I'm trying to pry open my hands and let go of the worry and fear that I'm clinging to. For I have seen God's faithfulness in my life over and over. And, I know that He is trustworthy.

Now, if I can just trust Him with this precious boy....

*UPDATED* Thank you all so much for your prayers for Lincoln. We got his first set of test results back today, and all of them look good - no signs of kidney or liver problems -which was his doctor's first and biggest concern. He will have additional tests to rule out other potential causes for his itty bitty-ness, but we are so thankful that this first round didn't show any problems. We continue to covet your prayers for him.

42 comments:

  1. It is so hard to trust with each new challenge--especially when it comes to a child. I'm praying for you.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Sarah, I will be praying for you and Jason as you trust in the Lord through this scary time. And I will be praying for dear Lincoln too as well as his doctors.
    I appreciate your very honest and real post as well as your desire to trust the Lord through this time of fear and uncertainty.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Sarah, I can't imagine just how scary this is. But you're - all 5 of you - in my prayers.

    Thanks for the honesty, here. I think it IS hard to trust God with the people you love the most - especially when something isn't 100%.

    Praying that you can trust God right now, no matter what.

    ReplyDelete
  4. You and your family will certainly be in my prayers. I'm sure this is a hard time to trust when things are so uncertain. I know I have difficulty in that department, but God willing this will bring you closer to Him as well.

    ReplyDelete
  5. we will be praying for you and Jay and Lincoln; remember Luke 18:27 "What is impossible with men is possible with God"

    ReplyDelete
  6. Hi, Sarah-

    I can only imagine your fear. I will be praying for little man's growth as well.

    Your post came at an interesting time... a good friend of mine from church (she is tall and her husband must be as tall as Dan) told me that their second son didn't grow at all for a year and a half. At all. They did all sorts of tests and he just wasn't ready to grow. This was esp. weird since his parents are so tall. I hope this gives you some hope.

    Nevertheless, we will still be praying for that sweet little son of yours.

    ReplyDelete
  7. I should add... my friend's son is normal and doing well. He just had a different way of growing his height.

    ReplyDelete
  8. When we say I'm afraid, God says "I have not given you a spirit of fear".

    When we say I can't figure things out, God says "I will direct your steps".

    Praying for you and your little one..

    ReplyDelete
  9. I am praying for you, Jason, and that precious little boy!
    Lauren

    ReplyDelete
  10. Thanks for sharing from your heart Sara. God knows your worries, fears and desires and He is never far – even if you’re not sure you want to travel the road of "trust" with Him right now. I’ll be praying for you and your family.

    ReplyDelete
  11. Oh, sweetie. I am sending you hugs and praying for your family.

    Please keep us updated.

    ReplyDelete
  12. I'm glad you posted about this so we can be praying for you and your family. I don't think there's anything scarier than the well being of your child.

    Praying for you!!

    ReplyDelete
  13. O my... trust and our children... ugh!! This is the hardest inward struggle isn't it?? Man! We have gone through it with our kids too, and nothing brings you to your knees fast enough! I am going to add your little guy to our prayer list, here in the Scroggs Family.... praying for direction for the dr. and healing for his little body. Bless you! Amy

    ReplyDelete
  14. Philippians 4:6 Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God; 7 and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.

    We love you so much!! It IS such a struggle trusting God in everything!! You guys are in my thoughts and prayers. love you!!!

    ReplyDelete
  15. He knows the plans He has for Lincold...to prosper him and give him a future. We will stand against the enemy on all side pulling down the strongholds and believe in Jesus precious name for a good report.

    Keep pressing on. He will not leave you nor forsake you.

    We ARE praying!!! Love you all!

    Don't forget, when the enemy comes round in his quiet and sneaky way and puts those thoughts of defeat in your head, you need to speak the Word and speak blessing over Lincoln at every turn. He is God's child and the enemy will not and cannot have him.

    Boy am I ANGRY right now. I'm standing in the gap and praying for you during this time when you are struggling to find the words.

    ReplyDelete
  16. We're praying like crazy! The story of Jesus and the boy in Mark 9 always makes me take a hard look at my trust in God..."Everything is possible for him who believes". Love you much!!

    ReplyDelete
  17. Did you ever think children could bring out such strong emotions? It is so hard to watch "life" happen to them. I find a lot of comfort in knowing that my Heavenly Father loves my children and wants the best for them. God is in control.

    ReplyDelete
  18. Girl, I am with all your blogging friends! And I am praying with all of them about everything!

    ReplyDelete
  19. Yes, trusting is so hard. How easyily we say we trust in the Lord until the thunderclouds roll in. But that is when His strength is perfect... in our weakness. My neighbor's baby was the same way as emilymcd's friend. She just grew a little slower and a little later. Now, she is all caught up. "Now unto Him that is able to do exceeding abundantly above all that we ask or think..." Eph. 3:20. We'll be praying for you all.

    ReplyDelete
  20. I have every confidence that your little Lincoln will catch up on his time and not the dr's. Just becuase they don't think he's pudgy enough for their standards doesn't mean there is anything wrong with him. And heaven forbid if there is a dx, I'm praying the dr's will know the best tx.

    ReplyDelete
  21. This is the hardest part of being a parent (and there are, as you know, a lot of hard parts). There is a part of the song "All we need" by Charlie Hall, that we sing at church that always makes me pray about giving my little girl to Jesus. The song says, "You can have all my hands can hold
    My heart, mind, strength and soul
    Be my all, all consuming fire." Every time I sing the "you can have all my hands can hold" part I think about holding my daughter and how tightly I want to hold her, care for her, protect her. When ultimately I have to give her, just like every good gift from God, over to His care. And man, this is so not easy! Thanks Sarah, for sharing your sincere feelings about your situation and your faith in God.

    ReplyDelete
  22. i'm sorry i just read this and couldn't be praying for you during this hard time. i can only imagine how scared you must be. and i understand how hard it is to let go long enough to let God in and to admit that you need Him during this time.

    i trust that God will take care of all of you, no matter what is going on. i pray that you feel His presence and comfort. and that they find out what's going on with little lincoln quickly and that it won't be anything serious.

    let me know if there's anything i can do for you and if there's anything more specific i can be praying for.

    {{hugs}}

    ReplyDelete
  23. Sarah,
    I'm praying with you and for you. You know, some kids are just tiny. My two nieces are still really tiny at 11 and 7, but they're healthy. My pastors kids look about 3-4 years younger than they are because they're so small. Try not to worry and to give it to God. The Holy Spirit will pray for you even when you can't find the words to speak.

    ReplyDelete
  24. It is so much harder to trust when your child in in a situation than when it is yourself. God loves him more than even you and Jason do and He has plans for him. I'll be prying for you and Jason as you go through this.

    ReplyDelete
  25. Girl- Thanks for the update. I have been praying for you all all day.

    ReplyDelete
  26. Oh. Sweet Sarah. I'm so sorry, I know how scared you must be. I will pray peace for you. Keep us posted.

    ReplyDelete
  27. I am praying for you dear! Its a scary situation, but you of all people I know will face it with such strength and certainty that God is in control.

    Also, if it makes you feel any better, Izzy only gained 1 pound from her 1st to 2nd year checkups- not so hot! She is off the weight charts and not gaining either. While I was worried at first, I trust God and the doctor saying that she is healthy, and just built tiny.

    Let me know if there is anything I can do- like watch your other boys if you need to take Lincoln to more tests or anything!

    ReplyDelete
  28. Yeah for the update!

    We'll keep Lincoln in our prayers too!

    ReplyDelete
  29. Great update! We went through the exact things...tests and all, with our 1st baby. He wasn't gaining fast. In fact he was barely 16# at 1 year. He was always negative on the standard growth chart. Until now. He has finally caught up with his peers. But that first year, all those tests...scary.

    I feel confident since the biggies have been ruled out that Lincoln is fine. Just tiny. That's OK.

    In the meantime, I will keep praying.

    ReplyDelete
  30. Praise the Lord for the first piece of good news! Trusting that we'll hear more. Jules and I will be praying together today since she is off school.

    ReplyDelete
  31. Praise God for the results of the first round of tests! I have been praying for you all ever since lunch Wed. Did you schedule the other test? We will keep praying!!!

    I hope you know how much we love you all and that we are standing in faith with you. I can completely identify with how difficult this uncertainty can be and even more so how hard it is to trust in the moment when you feel so helpless. In our weakness, His power is made perfect. He will bless you for your faith - He has so much already. :)

    ReplyDelete
  32. More prayers going up on behalf of your family!

    ReplyDelete
  33. Oh, Sarah, you found your voice, and God heard you. So sorry for this scare. I wish I could tell you you have nothing to worry about, but I know I would feel the same way. Does the MD know Lincoln's mommy is only 4' 11"??? I can tell you I had a friend go through the same thing with 2/3 of her kids, and they were fine. I'm praying...

    ReplyDelete
  34. Oh Sarah, Just getting a chance to check your blog. I'm glad to hear that the biggest concerns are eliminated. We will continually be praying...

    ReplyDelete
  35. hi sarah, i foud a bible verse that helps me out all day every day, i just say it over and over to myself. its at the end of 2 chronicles 20:10 it says i do not know what to do so i turn my eyes to You. we will be praying for lincoln and for you and jason.
    lisa

    ReplyDelete
  36. I am so glad the first round of news is good. Prayers from me, my friend. Love and hugs to you.

    ReplyDelete
  37. I am so glad the first round of news is good. Prayers from me, my friend. Love and hugs to you.

    ReplyDelete
  38. Hi Sarah,
    I am JUST now reading this post....I just am never on top of all this blogging stuff...
    anyways, We are praying for Lincoln...and we are praising GOd for the test results....
    God is in control!

    ReplyDelete
  39. Oh Sarah! I'm praying...praying as I sit here. Lincoln is precious to God. God loves him even more than you do (hard to imagine!). He IS a good God, and He is worthy to be trusted. Keep us posted (I know you will) :-)
    Love,
    Emily

    ReplyDelete
  40. Sarah- I'm woefully behind on blog reading and was so sad to read this news about precious Lincoln....I can only imagine how worried you all must be. I will be keeping your family in my prayers.

    ReplyDelete
  41. Oh my word Sarah! I miss important things when I am not keeping up. I am so sorry. It is so hard as a parent to watch your child go through those tests. Praying for you all!!!

    BTW - Landon didn't gain any weight from 6 months to 15 months. Not an ounce. At 15 months he finally started to gain weight again. The guy ate like crazy.

    ReplyDelete