Sunday, May 8, 2011

Hope

Many years ago, when I was in high school, I laid flat on my back in a body cast.

For many, many months.

Subsequently, during all four years of high school, I walked with crutches. I didn't have a boyfriend. And, though I was just like every other high school girl who longs to be noticed and loved, I didn't really expect to have one.

Because what high school boy wants to date the girl who can't walk?

As God began to heal me - after my third three-month stint in that horrible body cast - I learned to walk with a cane.

And, the day I graduated from high school, I decided it was time to let go of the security of my cane and walk - for the first time since the beginning of ninth grade.

But, I would look down at the scars on my legs, or cringe in pain from the arthritis that would never go away, and I couldn't let go of the question: Who will ever want me?

Less than three years later, I met my husband. The sweet and tender boy who looked past the scars that cover my legs, who walked slowly, hand-in-hand with me when my arthritis kept me steps behind everyone else, and who sat next to my hospital bed, hour upon hour, after my first hip replacement.

In a great miracle in my life, that boyfriend became my husband one cold and sunny December day. And, his love for me made my scars seem to fade.

As we began to think about starting a family, I looked down with freshly doubting eyes at the scars on my legs - the evidence of the trauma of my past surgeries. I could feel the effects of arthritis on my body and I was filled, again, with doubt. Upon doubt. Will I ever be a mother?

This Mother's Day, I have been overwhelmed as I recall my past experiences of doubt. Those long days in my body cast as a self-conscious teenager. Longing to be loved, but not feeling worthy. My desire for children, but not believing motherhood could happen to me.

I so vividly remember the doubting. I remember how it felt to not know if or when. On so many levels. And, for things I desperately longed to experience.

For some things in my life, God has said: No. Or the ever-difficult: Wait.

But, today - Mother's Day - I want to celebrate His loud and resounding, YES!, in my life. His victory over the fears of my past.

I asked my boys for one gift this year: A picture. Of them with me.

Because it tells a story of hope. Of grace. Of a tender and loving God who heard my heart's longing amidst a sea of doubt.

Because it says everything I want to remember about Mother's Day this year.

Because it is my life's song:


Look at what God has done!



Photobucket

19 comments:

  1. Simply Sarah, simply beautiful!


    I knew bits and pieces of your story, but it was far greater than I ever imagined. Love you dear Sarah and so thankful that He has a plan all along.

    May your children rise up and call you blessed.

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  2. So sweet. I am very happy for you that you gained the children you so desperately wanted. I had similar fears about becoming a mother (though due to totally different circumstances), and I am thankful for my daughter each and every day.

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  3. Sarah - this is beautiful! What a wonderful plan God had for you, and what a wonderful family He has blessed you with!

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  4. Oh Sarah, what a privilege to know your "story" and know the extra special joy behind your birth of your boys. Thank you for telling us. What a resounding "YES" God said to you both and rejoices in your family.

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  5. Thank you for sharing your story on this Mother's Day. I LOVED the picture!!!

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  6. What an amazing and beautiful story! That photo is priceless.

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  7. Thank you for sharing. Your story is an encouragement to me, as I also deal with arthritis every day.

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  8. You have a beautiful family! Enjoy. Happy Mother's Day!

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  9. Sarah- I didn't realize that you had crutches for FOUR years. Four years? Mercy. I can't even imagine the joy of your friends and fam when you graduated and WALKED. Oh, Sarah. Your strength is deep. I'm glad God healed you. And brought you Jason. And then brought you 4 more little men, just to show you how lovely you are.

    Beautiful.

    Em

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  10. So beautiful. What a precious woman you are!!!

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  11. Sarah, I never knew your story. Thank you for sharing a piece of your heart with us. What a beautiful, beautiful woman you are. I am so grateful for the chance I have had to get to know you. Glad you had such a wonderful mothers day... what a gift!

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  12. Well, gosh, you just made me cry. What a beautiful post. And a great picture. Thanks for reminding me to be grateful in all things.

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  13. I had no idea you had endured those things. But I did/do know you have an amazing heart for motherhood and being a wife. God's blessings are so sweet! Love the photo!

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  14. I just loved this, Sarah. We miss you guys so much and you will always be in our Midwest hearts! :)

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  15. I know you through Short Stop and I’ve seen your pure, sweet spirit in each post. You have been through His refinement of fire and have come out a vessel of gold. You are a blessing to this world, Sarah Short. God bless you and your precious family.

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  16. What a beautiful post and what a beautiful family you have. God is great. Love your blog. So inspiring!

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  17. This was so well-writeen and such a beautiful victory. I know the Summit is going to benefit from the way you have experienced God's love and care!

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  18. Thank you for sharing your story. I struggle with health conditions that have prevented us from starting a family so far. I'm nearly 30 and we've been married for 3 years. It's so easy for me to look at mothers and think that they haven't struggled with health issues, but now I see that mothers can appear to have normal lives, but have also faced health challenges. My health has improved to the point that we're "not preventing" now, but we are waiting on God's timing. He always knows. Thanks again.

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