Flashback Friday: Dear Me

Originally published July 13, 2008.

Dear Me,

It's really here.

You knew this day was coming. But, an "I told you so" is never any comfort, is it? Especially from someone so much younger who can't possibly understand how you're feeling.

I can only imagine the heaviness of your heart today. Your last baby just moved away from home, and you're wondering where the years went, and how the time could have slipped by so quickly. I'm writing to you today because even now, many years earlier, I'm thinking of you.

Can I just tell you that I wish I had your wisdom? You've spent many years loving and parenting these precious children, and I'm so new at this. I feel like I'm flailing a lot of the time, not quite sure what the right choices are, and what choices are really worth mind wrestling over.

Do you remember all of the little decisions you had to make to get to this day? I just let Jack and Max eat cookies for lunch; because that's what they really wanted. Surely, that wasn't the wisest of choices; but, do you remember how it made them giggle?

I'm a bit envious of you, you know. You slept in as late as you wanted today, drank a full cup of hot coffee, and ate breakfast while leisurely leafing through your latest stack of catalogs. Do you remember how early three year-old Jack would wake you each morning and say, "Momma, I'm hungry, please play with me, please, please, please, Momma." There's no time for breakfast here most days; unless late morning cold tea and burnt toast is "breakfast". I suppose you'd love to spend a morning in my slippers, pouring Jack his early morning bowl of cereal again, huh? Let's call a truce and say we're both a bit envious of each other. Deal?

I know you feel as though the years went by too quickly, but I want you to know that I am trying my best to savor these young Mommy years, love these babies, kiss and hug them, and cherish every day I'm blessed to mother them. Oh, the days can feel so long to me, and meeting so many needs leaves me utterly exhausted at the end of the day. But, I know, even now, that while the days seem long, the years are speeding by; so, I'm stopping, closing my eyes and soaking it all in.

And, though I can't slow down time or turn it back for you, know that I am living these years. Really, really living them. And, I'm recording our memories for you so that on days like today, you can look back and see that your mothering years were full of colorful life. Real life.

Tremendous, spectacular, thrilling, beautiful life.

I don't have your wisdom, but I am certain of this. Just as God's grace is often the only thing sustaining me as I make my way through squabbles and dishes and dirty diapers, I know that God will continue to pour His grace out onto you as you move into this next season of life. And, if I know Jason at all from these few short years I've been married to him, he has some marvelous plans for you!

Keep clinging to Jesus. He loves the little children running around the playroom as I type this letter to you. And, just as sure, He is loving you now as you say goodbye to them as they leave home to proclaim His love to a world that desperately needs it. And, to find their way with your love deeply ingrained on their hearts.

You'll always be their Momma. And oh, how they still need you.

Love,
The Young Mommy You